Monday, September 19, 2011

Religion

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness. - Dalai Lama

I have opinions and feelings. This post may not coincide completely with your opinions and feelings. I am ok with that and I don't discredit you for feeling differently. I just want to put my thoughts down in concrete form for my own personal relief. That being said, here goes:

I don't know where I stand with organized religion. I don't completely agree or disagree with any doctrine that is currently being practiced in modern culture of which I am familiar. I think that humans, like everything else, have their flaws and therefore no one can be sure what is or isn't true, correct, right, etc. I know that I share a lot of the same sentiments from the Buddhist culture, but that Christianity has influenced my life a great deal growing up in Catholic school with a Christian family and largely Christian based country (no political beliefs/opinions expressed here nor do I need political commentary on this subject).

I believe in something larger than what we have here. I think there is a sense of connectedness between people and our surroundings and that things happen in life for a reason. I believe that people come and go in life as they are meant to for the overall picture... for the betterment of individuals to better serve the greater community.

I do not, however, believe in "salvation"... at least in the sense that most people use the word today. I do not believe that there is a set "check point" in life that can be obtained by verbalizing a belief system or reading a written word that instantly puts you on a list to go to a place of light in the sky somewhere. I don't think saying "I believe in ___" or "I love ___" or even "I'm saved" is a turning point that absolves the rest of the life you still have to live. I don't think a decision can be made about "salvation" until the end (death or whatever the end may be). I feel that people rely too heavily on what they say and what they read, but not enough on their actions.

Using the Bible as my topic here, I believe that it is used improperly today. I think that people use certain passages out of context to justify their hatred or bigotry rather than use it to learn more about loving and serving others. They get lost in the leaves and lose sight of the tree, so to speak. I don't believe that the Bible dictates who you can or cannot love, who you can or cannot associate with. I believe that the bigger picture is that it tells you to love everyone.

If you can love me for who I am and accept that I believe there are more factors involved in the "big picture" than verbalizing an established doctrine, I thank you for loving and accepting me. If you cannot, I'm sorry that you cannot, but I won't hold that against you personally. My purpose is not to judge you or try to get you to believe what I believe. My purpose is to continually learn and grow as a person so that I can better love others and serve a greater community than myself and my family/friends.

The moral of my story is that I really have no problem with the majority of religious beliefs that exist in our world. What I truly have a problem with is hypocrisy.

Practice what you preach... or don't preach at all.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Life Changes

What has 2 thumbs and made an A in pediatrics? THIS GUY!
I did it. I tamed the beast that kills many people's 4.0 in nursing school. I didn't have a 4.0 to ruin anyway, but it makes me feel good that I accomplished my goal!

Anyway, on top of reaching that goal, I have started a new goal. I am starting to work out and eat better. I'm attempting to avoid really sugary, unnecessary foods and drinks (with the occasional exception). I bought vegetables and fruit! (GASP!) Also, the past 2 days I have gone to the UTMB Field House to work out. I do the cross-fit setting on the elliptical machine for 35ish minutes and then hop on the rowing machine for another 10 minutes. Today I burned, in theory, around 450 calories. Nice! The most amazing part of working out... is that it helps with my insomnia! Last night I was tired and so I went to bed at 12:30am. That is pretty much unheard of for me.

Let's see how long I can keep this up.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I don't even know what to say...

I was sitting in a coffee shop this afternoon, minding my own business and listening to audio lectures about critical care for pediatric patients... when an insane debate broke out between two other people in the coffee shop.

Originally, one guy had brought up that if there were two of every animal on Noah's Ark, why didn't the lions eat the other animals? It was a "food for thought" comment that didn't particularly spark any massive debate. The two people, who were clearly barely acquaintances, got their respective coffees and went to separate tables for quiet study. After a good laugh, I returned to study...

Then, one participant ran out of water in his trendy water bottle. Clearly, he needed a refill. As he returned from quenching his imminent thirst, he returned to the table where his acquaintance sat. Also sitting quietly, he had not intended to further their conversation from earlier with the exception of "see you later" as one of them exited the coffee shop. However, these hopes fell on deaf ears... but not really because I (along with everyone else in the coffee shop) also heard the debate which followed.

Within the first 30 seconds of the conversation, they establish that water boy hailed from Indiana and that the quiet student had the privilege of being born in Texas (my words, not theirs). The quiet Texan student was also Christian. From this point on, I will refer to them as Indiana and QC for "Quiet Christian." In the beginning, it seemed safe to assume that Indiana also practiced Christianity due to his extensive use of the Bible as basis for his conversation, but what happens when we assume?

Indiana began to berate QC for his Christian beliefs. The snowball was formed and began to slowly roll down a hypothetical hill. QC stated, over and over, "I have my beliefs, which you clearly don't agree with, so let's just agree to disagree and go about our business." Unacceptable. Who wouldn't spend at least 30 more minutes telling someone that the beliefs that they grew up with are rubbish?

About this time, the patrons of this coffee shop, myself included, began exchanging glances. You know the glances I'm referring to... the "WTF...OMG... this is happening? Is this real life?" kind of glances. We were in for a treat.

Indiana began to use the Bible to refute that Christianity made any sense. In true oxymoronic fashion, he made little sense with expert conviction. "I'm not a Bible scholar!" Indiana exclaimed when questioned on the verses to which he was referring. He further refuted Christianity by "proving" that the Bible states that all Jews have the right to kill anyone else because they are proclaimed as the "chosen people." Everyone knows that! Where did QC grow up that he didn't know common sense about Jews? The south? Oh wait, we are just getting to that. Indiana thinks that the South is the reason that Christianity is truly flawed and that, apparently, Indiana > Texas. I quickly bit my tongue to refrain from saying, "If Indiana is so much better than Texas, then go the fuck back." Instead, I gave them a glance... the kind that says, "Wrap it up or bring it outside."

Instead of wrapping it up or bringing it outside, Indiana said, "Oh, sorry" and moved a whopping 1 foot closer to his victim and proceeded to speak at the same level which can only be described as yelling.

Again, QC pleaded with him that they were not going to agree and that it would be more time efficient to cease. Nope. Indiana was out to prove himself. He needed the satisfaction of proving QC wrong. Next came the argument that humanity is a weak and pathetic existence if Christianity believes that all of their flaws can be pawned off on one person who is willing to die for them. Also, God is a sadistic killer and people who believe in free will are ignorant to medicine.

After another 20 minutes of roundabout oxymorons and paradoxical hypocrisy, I had to leave. It had been a train wreck from which I could not turn away, but the train wreck had already stolen 30 or more minutes from my productivity.

This post does not express my beliefs or lack there of. In fact, that would need another post of similar length to describe. Instead, I simply mean to share the insane ramblings of a self-entitled guy from Indiana who ruined my studying experience.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Peds Update

Well, I had my 2nd shift. This time I was on the transplant floor. I can't say too much about the experience for fear of violating patient confidentiality, but I had a horrible experience. My patient was great, but my nurse sucked. She didn't let me do anything (well, almost), treated me like I was an idiot, and basically told me to sit and "study" until she came to get me. If I wanted to sit and study, I wouldn't be at a hospital for a night shift on a FRIDAY.

I asked her at the beginning of the shift if it was ok that I worked with her and she said yes... If she didn't want me to work with her, just say no. I would rather you turn me down and find a nurse that will let me actually practice my skills. I will be a nurse in approximately 6 months. Do you want me to practice on your child if I never actually touched one in my clinical rotation? NO.

Either way, the patient loved me and cried any time my nurse touched her. Karma is a bitch.

This Friday I will be in CVICU. I am hoping that it will be a better experience. So far, I like cardiovascular and pediatrics... and I'm looking forward to my first ICU experience... plus it will be my birthday.

Bring it on.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

So... here we all are...

My life has changed a lot since my last post. Here's a list of how:

- I didn't finish grad school. It's a complicated story. I had a lot of emotional baggage that got lost in an airport (surprise) which showed up on my doorstep to kick me in the teeth. Because of this and some less than understanding faculty, I did not finish. Probably one of the better awful things to happen to me in the long run.
- I decided to apply to nursing school. Last May when I left grad school, I decided plan B was nursing school. I was still hopeful for Kansas State to call me up and offer me a spot, but I wasn't holding my breath. On a whim, I applied to UTMB for the accelerated nursing program. I honestly wasn't expecting to be admitted, but wanted to get a feel for the process. This program stuck out because I didn't need any entrance exams or letters of rec... a little shady, but perfect for my situation at the time.
- I started my remaining pre-reqs at Blinn over summer and fall '10. After haggling with the admissions staff at UTMB, I had a finite list of classes that I still needed if I were to be admitted to nursing school. I took sociology, A&P, nutrition (which I had already taken an animal nutrition class... cake!), and Lifespan. Surprisingly, I found them to be very interesting, excluding nutrition. Also, for the first time since I graduated undergrad, I was doing well. I began to remember the feeling of being successful in school and what an A on a transcript looked like. It was amazeballs.
- I got an interview and was admitted to UTMB for Spring '11. WHAT!?!
- I moved away from College Station. I wanted to move so badly for the last year and a half that I lived in CS. I thought to myself, "Most of my friends have moved away so it won't be that hard..." Yeah, well, I lied... to myself. My last semester, my group of friends added a few extra who ended up becoming some of my best friends even still. My last night, I bawled. We had a Christmas/going-away party and it was a sobfest for all. I left and haven't really looked back. I liked the city, I loved the people, and those things didn't change when I left.
- I moved to Galveston. I was terrified and excited at the same time. It was my first time moving to a new city in almost 6 years... and I was moving to a place where I knew almost no one. I found an apartment near the seawall and hoped to just keep my head down and not get mugged. Well, I didn't get mugged (knock on wood).
- I made new friends. The day I moved into my apartment, I wanted to unpack, lay low, and figure out what the hell I was doing with my life. Apparently, I made a good first impression on the assistant manager of my apartment complex. That night, she came by with her friend and their dogs and we took the pups to the beach. Little did I know, she would become one of my good friends in Galveston. She, her family, and an array of residents have become my second family in Galveston. They make this apartment feel like home.
- I started nursing school. I went to orientation and knew no one. I sat in the back and made "friends" with two girls who ultimately ended up leaving the program due to grade issues. I met a lot of people, yet seemingly made no friends. The only person I talked to more than briefly all week was a guy I met at my interview that was from the Beaumont area. He is a very nice guy that I still talk to, but he doesn't live on the island and is married. Someone told me that study groups had already been formed and I was left without one. As I tried to join different groups, I was turned away for a variety of seemingly fake reasons. Their loss, but not good for my ego. What was this? High school? I skipped the planned happy hour (mistake) and kept to my new friends at my apartment complex (not a mistake). I survived.
- I went to a happy hour with my classmates. Apparently, that was missing puzzle piece. I drank, I opened up, I made friends. Turns out, I wasn't the social outcast I perceived that I was. I found out who I liked and who I'd rather avoid. First impressions for almost everyone still hold true today. I made a group of really good friends which still hangs out today (plus or minus a few) and a guy that I consider to be one of my best friends in Galveston.
- I got invited to a study group. (Insert audio clip of angels singing)
- School. School. School. Overwhelmed. Got the hang of it. Piece of cake. Don't need to apply myself. Holy shit. I should have applied myself.
- Started clinicals. Wore burnt orange. Awesome and ughhh... respectively.
- Pediatrics. A semester and a half later, something challenges me. I accept. This is now. I'm loving peds and I'm keeping an open mind for future careers. We will see where my clinical experience leads me. I'm at Texas Children's Hospital for this rotation. Hem/Onc... been there, not sure if its my calling, but loved working with the kids. Showed my staff nurse how to insert a Foley Catheter... see one, do one, TEACH ONE. She's been a nurse for HOW LONG? Oh ok. Still to come: transplant, CVICU, PICU, and adolescent medicine. Here. We. Go.

So that is my long and probably boring year in a nutshell. I can't promise I will update more often because that may turn out to be a lie like last time... but I can try. No one reads this anyway.

Theme of the Year: "You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you." - Walt Disney

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Update on Life

Well, there's a lot of nothing going on really, but I'm making changes to help turn nothing into something. I've been pretty bad about it this week, but I'm attempting to work out, eat better, take vitamins, and sleep more at night. So far, so good. I feel better and can concentrate more. I'm starting to feel more like myself, but its going to be more than just a couple weeks worth of change to fully get myself there.

In vet school news, out of the multitude of schools I applied to, I got 0 acceptances, lots of rejections, and 2 alternate lists. 2 alternate lists is better than what I got last year (so that's nice), but its still nothing definite. I have no idea what I will be doing or where I will be in 4-5 months. I can't hear back off of the alternate lists until after April 15th which is getting closer. I'm not holding my breath for Michigan State, but I'm definitely keeping my fingers crossed for Kansas State.

I'm meeting with one of my graduate committee members today to talk about potentially changing my masters to something I'm more interested in as a plan B. If I don't get a call back from KState, I want to do something with public health or animal reproduction (both of which I would be interested in studying in vet school anyway). We'll see how that meeting goes and what my options are. I'm hoping I don't need plan B, but it will be nice to have a plan just in case.

So for now, I'm going to go do some research on classes I can take. I will update soon... maybe.